The only explanation for what Pirates fans are seeing in year six of the current management team’s rebuild is that owner Bob Nutting and his band of merry men are trolling them. A sort of Candid Camera type situation.

I mean, what else could explain the current trajectory of this franchise?

I’m just waiting for Alan Funt to come back to life, pop out, and yell, “Smile. You’re on Candid Camera!” Except no self respecting Pirates fan can smile right now. They may never smile again.

There is plenty of evidence that we are all being trolled. On opening day Bob Nutting said winning was priority number one. He went on to say he absolutely has provided the resources for the team to win. It was now up to the team’s execution. Just on Sunday, GM Ben Cherington said the long lines for Saturday’s game was a reminder of what it will be like for a playoff game. Except the lines were long because it was Paul Skenes bobblehead giveaway and at least half of the fans were Guardians fans. Manager Derek Shelton keeps giving his best hitters days off like he is preserving them for a playoff run.

Trolling, I tell you.

It isn’t like Bob Nutting is immune to winning. I’m sure he can vaguely remember 2013-2015 when his teams, maybe despite his lack of effort, won 94, 88, and 98 games while having the best three year period of attendance in PNC Park history.

The moral to the story is that despite his best efforts, Bob Nutting’s team can win. Just ask Neal Huntington. Remember him? The guy everyone thought was terrible and wanted shot into space where he couldn’t do anymore damage. Turns out that in comparison to the current buffoon, Huntington was a flat out genius.

But, alas, here we are in year six of the Ben Cherington/Derek Shelton regime. Somehow, these two have managed to make the team worse than it was when they took over, and it isn’t close. Plus, they lucked in to drafting Paul Skenes.

Nutting is clearly problem numbers 1 through 100. Him selling the team, a now frequent chant at PNC Park, would be the best solution. Until that happens, it will always be an up hill climb. It won’t happen —him selling the team, that is— so let’s start climbing up that hill. Just play along.

Ben Cherington has assembled a 60 win team with those resources that Nutting claims he gave him.

 The starting rotation is still solid, but not as spectacular as fans had hoped. In typical Pirates fashion, top prospect Bubba Chandler is throwing his 100 mph heat in AAA instead of Pittsburgh. It is the whole Super 2 thing all over again. In addition, Jared Jones is injured and won’t pitch until June, at the earliest. Johan Oviedo is recovering from Tommy John surgery and is going to be eased back into action. Chandler is a stud. Jones was really good last year. Oviedo was really good the year before. None are in the current rotation.

Bailey Falter IS in the rotation. He gets by against bad teams and gets hit hard against good teams. Mitch Keller IS in the rotation. I like Keller, but let’s face it he is extremely average. Keller is on one game and off the next. Andrew Heaney IS in the rotation. Heaney has been excellent, and was one of Cherington’s only decent moves this offseason. Proof that sometimes you find something decent in the dumpster. Carmen Mlodzinski IS in the rotation. He is in the rotation because he requested being a starter. Since the Pirates are run like a little league team they obliged. He is a decent relief pitcher. He is NOT a decent starter.

Paul Skenes IS in the rotation. He has been less dominant this year. That means the Pirates aren’t even winning many of his games. His ERA is 2.87, which is two more runs than a Pirates pitcher can afford to give up.

Cherington made moves to weaken the bullpen. He allowed Aroldis Chapman to walk after being the only reliable backend bullpen arm a year ago. On the other hand, David Bednar and Colin Holderman were brought back after being disastrous a year ago. Then he added a bunch of guys with career ERA’s that are higher than the price of eggs. Aside from Bednar, who did a stint in AAA, and Holderman, who is “injured”, the pen has been moderately successful.

The pitching isn’t what makes this team miserable to watch. If watching this offense was a prison sentence, it would be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

Bryan Reynolds is streaky, but he is a legitimate all star almost every year. Unfortunately, Reynolds started slow this season. O’Neil Cruz has star potential. He can hit a ball through a brick wall one at bat and send it into orbit the next. At 26, Cruz should be reaching his peak. He is not. He is tremendously inconsistent and has more mental lapses than a pro wrestler who took too many head butts. Andrew McCutchen is an all time Pirate. He is still solid, but he is 38 years old.

Joey Bart is okay, but has only 750 career at bats. Bart is not someone to lean on. In reality Henry Davis, a former top draft pick, should be getting the lion’s share of play at catcher. It is time to find out about him once and for all. You can’t find out when he is getting spot starts or shifted back and forth from AAA.

First base is a black hole. Most days some guy named Emanuel Valdez plays first base. He is a second baseman and third baseman. It has shown with his defense at first. At best, this guy should be a utility bench player. We are all waiting on pins and needles for Spencer Horowitz to get healthy and take over first base. Only the Pirates would trade for a guy with an injury. At best, Horowitz is a platoon player.

Adam Frazier was one of the big signings. An injury to Mr. Average, Nick Gonzales, has thrust Frazier into the starting lineup. Frazier was decent…5 years ago.

Isaiah Kiner-Falefa is the ultimate utility player. Shortstop is his worst position. Kiner-Falefa is the starting shortstop. He hits like a utility player and plays shortstop like a second baseman.

Ke’Bryan Hayes plays a gold glove third base. I said from the start he was going to hit like his daddy, Charlie. It turns out that was an insult to his dad. Hayes is never going to hit anywhere close to as good as his dad. His current .211 batting average seems about right.

The team keeps running Jack Suwinski out there. Like Davis, I root like heck for him. The fact is that his confidence is completely gone. He wouldn’t hit a beach ball if it was thrown to him. It is time to end that experiment. Tommy Pham was the other big addition this offseason. Like Frazier, he was good five years ago. And even then it wasn’t all that good. He has been as good as advertised, hitting .149.

The Pirates team stats are sickening. Third in strikeouts, next to last in batting average, third from last in slugging and OPS. They aren’t the White Sox, but they’re close. The White Sox are on pace for another 120 loss season.

This team isn’t one or two players away. Go back and look at that list. The whole thing needs blown up. New owner. New GM. New manager. Mostly new players. The owner isn’t changing, but the GM and manager need to go. I would at least like to see them pretend like they care. Make this ruse seem at least marginally believable.

As stated above, Bubba Chandler should be in Pittsburgh. So, too, should Liover Peguero. Peguero may not help the Pirates win one more game, but he is 24 years old and certainly worth giving an extended look. Are you telling me it wouldn’t be better —and make much more sense— to give Peguero run instead of watching retreads like Kiner-Falefa and Frazier.

If you are going to lose 100 games then do it while finding out about Henry Davis, Endy Rodriguez, Nick Gonzales, Liover Peguero, and Bubba Chandler. Maybe also call up 23 year old Nick Yorke and give him some run. And keep Temarr Johnson buzzing through the system. Johnson is probably the closest thing to an offensive prospect the Pirates have. Sad, but true.

Yea, it has to be a troll job. C’mon, where are the hidden cameras?

In six years this regime has not only made the minor league system worse, but have made it nearly void of actual prospects. The Pirates player development seems to make players worse, not better. Pirates pitchers leave Pittsburgh and flourish elsewhere. Offensive prospects seem to be lucky if they tread water in Pittsburgh’s system.

The only players brought in via trades and free agency are past their prime, down on their luck players that are close to being put out to pasture. Neal Huntington was forced into the infamous Chris Archer trade by an owner that desperately wanted to show the fans he was willing to “go for it” when in contention. The trade got Huntington crucified. Yet he was clearly, without question, far better than Cherington. As hard as it is to believe, Ben Cherington is worse than Cam Bonifay, Dave Littlefield, and Huntington. And it isn’t particularly close.

Nothing is going to turn this trash heap of a franchise into playoff contenders any time soon. But I sure would appreciate it if they at least go through the motions. The manager must go. The GM must go. Young players with at least a glimmer of a future must play until they that glimmer is out.

Instead, we are watching one of the worst assembled rosters take the field daily. We search through the minor leagues for legitimate star prospects, yet that needle never appears in the haystack. We hope for Derek Shelton to not manage this alleged major league team like a little league team. We hope the GM pulls just one solid move, one where the guy is still breathing isn’t the best thing you can say about it. We chant for all to hear, “Sell the team”, yet all Nutting can do is smile like a guy who isn’t quite wired correctly.

No, we are being trolled I tell ya. This many people can’t be this incompetent all at the same time. And I didn’t even bother to discuss the tragedy that is team president Travis Williams.

C’mon. Where are those cameras hidden? I’m sure I can work up at least a grin.

Two Cent Takes

MLB

~The Orioles got beat 24-2 on Sunday. Every pitcher that took to the mound for the Orioles has an ERA over 10 including big offseason pickup Charlie Morton. Morton is finished, and the Orioles just might be, too.

 

~Jason Bay was interviewed in the Pirates broadcast booth on Saturday. He is an assistant high school baseball coach and said he is sick of kids talking launch angle. He tells his players to hit it up the middle. Get in line Jason. Launch angle is ruining the game among other analytical nonsense.

~The Phillies starting pitching has been excellent. The bullpen not so much. If it isn’t Matt Strahm or Jose Alvarado, it usually turns in to big trouble.

NBA

~Oklahoma City became only the sixth team to win a playoff game by 50+ points. No word on whether Ja Morant threatened to shoot anyone.

The rest of the Western Conference series should be outstanding. Every series is legitimately a toss up.

NHL

~The Winnipeg Whiteout is something else. As a fan without a rooting interest, it would be nice to see the Jets win the whole thing.

 

NFL Draft

~The top three picks look to be locked in: QB Cam Ward, WR/CB Travis Hunter, DE Abdul Carter. Of the three, Carter will have the biggest impact.

~This is a bad year for quarterbacks. One scout said that Cam Ward would have been the 7th rated quarterback in last year’s draft. In addition to Tennessee, the Giants(3), Jets(7), Saints(9), and Steelers(21) all are in the market for a quarterback. Shedeur Sanders could go anywhere on that list, or they could all pass on him. It is a totally unpredictable quarterback draft.

~Last week I told you the Steelers would take DL Derrick Harmon at pick 21. That would be a smart move for a team that struggled to stop the run. The Steelers, however, have backed themselves into a corner at quarterback. Mason Rudolph is the only realistic option on the roster. Aaron Rodgers isn’t walking through that door(Thank God). The Steelers are taking a quarterback in this draft. I thought they could get Jalen Milroe in the third round, but now I am not sure he will last that long. I still hope they address DL in the first round, but I am leaning towards them taking Sanders if he is available at 21 or trading back(not a bad thing) to take Milroe or Jaxson Dart early in round two.

~Look for Howie Roseman to trade up and grab the Eagles a defensive chip. The Eagles have a ton of trade capital to work with, and Howie loves himself a trade up.

College Football

~Keep your head on a swivel, the spring portal is wide open. QB Nico Iamaleava goes from Tennessee to UCLA, and QB Joey Aguilar goes from UCLA to Tennessee. Aguilar transferred from Appalachian State first, and will make 1.2 million dollars. Insanity.

The Weekly Shiny Penny

As mentioned once or twice in my main column, the Pirates are an atrocity. And only the Pirates can have a player called out while asking for timeout. I shouldn’t complain so much because there is always a chance of seeing something I have never seen before.

 

A Penny For My Final Thought…

Nico Iamaleava demanded more money from Tennessee.

Wrong.

Nico Iamaleava threatened to sit out the playoff game versus Ohio State.

Wrong.

This is more about greedy adults at work. Again.

Jay Bilas always lectures that we shouldn’t call college age people kids. They are young adults. Well, yes. But, with all due respect to Bilas, they are still kids. I have a 19 year old freshman in college and I assure you he is still a kid.

The kids, in this situation, want their slice of the pie. No doubt. They watched the adults make billions on their backs. Without the players the adults don’t make a cent. All the players originally wanted if you go back to the Ed O’Bannon lawsuit is name, image, and likeness compensation. NIL. Don’t sell jerseys, don’t make video games with players names and images, or anything of the sort without compensating the players.

Somewhere between then and now, and with a toothless NCAA, it turned into this pay for play situation. It was the adults that opened the can of worms. It was the adults that weren’t prepared with acceptable regulations that didn’t violate antitrust laws. It was the adults who grabbed every dollar they could on the backs of the players. 

The two biggest conferences —Big Ten and SEC— have TV deals worth a combined 11 billion dollars. Penn State is spending 770 million dollars to improve Beaver Stadium. Other schools have spent large sums for new facilities and stadium improvements. The kids see that. More importantly, their adults see it. So it becomes, “You want my kid to play for you, pay up.”

Sure kids want money. If you had the ability to make a million dollars or even just 100 or 200 thousand just by signing on a dotted line when you were 18, 19, or 20 years old wouldn’t you? Of course you would have. I would have. You would have. Everyone would have.

It wasn’t Nico Iamaleava that pulled this stunt. He is just the front man for his daddy. His daddy suggested he demand more money. It backfired. He will have to suffer through this year with 1.5 million dollars at UCLA. His dad was chirping in his ear. It reminds me of the Reggie Bush situation. In his case it was a stepfather that caused the trouble.

If it isn’t a parent or guardian, then it is an agent or a lawyer. Adults. Influencing kids. Yes, kids. Ninety percent of these kids seek the counsel and advice of adults. Parents, agents, and the like are fueling the fire.

If all of the adults are money grubbing greed mongers what do we expect from the kids?

Adults caused this situation. Adults can’t —or don’t— want to find a solution to this situation. Adults fuel this situation.

Adults suck. Greedy adults suck more.

Just my two cents…