By Tim Clark / / Column, Tim's Two Cents
Turkeys

There is no holiday more about tradition than Thanksgiving.

Whether it is a family turkey and stuffing recipe, or cranberry relish, or the pie of your choice, traditions abound. Maybe it is the Macy’s parade through the streets of New York City. Even people that don't pay attention to sports know about the Lions tradition of playing on Thanksgiving Day.

Really it is just the beginning of tradition season.

Long, long ago —six years ago actually— I decided to start a very important tradition right here in my Tim’s Two Cents column at PennSports.LIVE. Every Thanksgiving I name the Two Cent Turkeys from the previous year in sports. We all wish there weren’t turkeys in sports, but we know better. Plenty of turkeys exist in sports and I am here, once again, to call them out.

Some are returning turkeys, some are new turkeys, and some have a permanent spot on this list. Yes, Mr. Nutting, I’m looking at you. So before I begin prepping to eat as much turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce as humanly possible, allow me to name the 2024 Two Cent Turkeys.

🦃 Ron Hextall 🦃

Yes, I know he is long gone in Pittsburgh but the stench he created lingers on. The Pittsburgh Penguins were already aging and up against salary issues the former GM —who won Stanley Cups— left. Hextall, a former Flyer and double agent I am convinced, poured gasoline all around the hockey team and lit a match. It has been all down hill since, and currently the team has leapt off a cliff. Even Sidney Crosby’s greatness isn’t enough to save the team from the burning embers left by the Flyer double agent. Gobble, gobble you Flyer bum.

🦃Jacob Trouba 🦃

Trouba is my latest poster boy for thugs in the NHL. Trouba is the latest player that plays the game like it is still 1975. If he can squeeze in a cheap shot on an opposing player he will be more than obliged. They still drop the gloves and take some swings at each other in the NHL, and that in and of itself is kind of stupid. This is different. This is finding unsuspecting players and trying to hurt them. Yet the powers that be accept it. Trouba has only been suspended twice in his career. He didn’t escape my list. Gobble, gobble thug boy.

🦃Joel Embiid 🦃

You could give this guy lots of nicknames. Mr. Playoffs, Mr. IR, Mr. Pretentious, Mr. Team Leader to name a few. Embiid has worn out his welcome in Philadelphia. Time and time again, Embiid proves Philly won’t win anything with the team centered around him. Often he disappears come playoff time. Embiid has been injury prone, and even when not injured requires far too many days off from the team. Now, thanks to young star Tyrese Maxey, we find out Joel Embiid is late for practice, meetings, you name it. It is past time for the 76ers to chop the head off this turkey. Gobble, gobble Mr. 3-13.

🦃 The Lakers 🦃

The Lakers are one of the most iconic brands in the NBA, yet they have allowed themselves to be controlled by LeBron James. James is one of the best players in NBA history. His son is not. No matter, the Lakers still bent the knee and drafted Bronny, Lebron’s son. Then Bronny made the team so he could take the floor with his Daddy. Finally, Bronny was sent to the G League. Except he is not playing road games. When the G League affiliate goes on the road, Bronny comes back to LA to sit on the bench with his Daddy. You see, no son of Lebron’s is going to fly commercial and stay at non five star hotels. This could not possibly be a worse look for one of the most iconic franchises in the NBA. Gobble, gobble to both the Lakers and LeBron.

🦃 Tony Bennett 🦃

I get that Bennett felt like the new format for college athletics wasn’t something he could cope with. Then retire at the end of last season. You knew the landscape at that point. Instead Bennett waited until a week before this season was to start and announced he was stepping down. He had a lousy roster and a loyal assistant he wanted to see get the job. By retiring when he did, it assured he avoided the misery that was surely coming for his team this year and assure that his assistant, Ron Sanchez, got the job. For someone allegedly so classy, this was a shady move that truly put his school in a real bind. Gobble, gobble Pack Line Boy.

🦃 Bob Nutting 🦃

Ah, our returning champion. Fans stopped showing up to games, even when Paul Skenes was pitching, a fan showed up behind home plate at a Cleveland playoff game sporting a “Sell the Team” shirt, a small group of fans held a “Sell the Team” rally, and fans have collected money to place “Sell the Team” billboards around the city of Pittsburgh. All of this was done in an effort to get this cheap, uncaring, disinterested, unserious imbecile to sell the Pirates to someone who would actually attempt to win. I have news for you. If appearing on this list six years running hasn’t shamed him into selling the team I don’t think anything will. Hey Bobby, put together all of the horrible names and comment Donald Trump has said about people and that’s what I think about you making my baseball season miserable each and every year. Gobble, gobble you cheap ass clown boy.

🦃 Ben Cherington and Derek Shelton 🦃

One of you has no idea how to acquire talent. One of you has no idea how to develop talent. One of you has no,idea how to manage a bullpen. One of you has no idea how to put together a lineup. Both of you are still employed in Pittsburgh only because the guy mentioned in the section above just doesn’t care. Not one other team would hire either of you. The three of you will waste the years Paul Skenes will be pitching in a Pirates uniform. Gobble, gobble team incompetence.

🦃Lincoln Riley 🦃

You are paid ten million dollars a year. 7-5 in year two with the returning Heisman Trophy winner and now one loss from 6-6 in year three. Your recruiting in the trenches stinks. Your play calling stinks, especially considering you are an “offensive genius”. Your game management stinks. And for goodness sakes, quit telling us how many plays you are away from being undefeated. You are on notice of becoming a regular here. Gobble, gobble genius.

🦃 Paul Finebaum 🦃

Finebaum, the SEC mouthpiece, needs to shut up. The only thing you were right about was Lincoln Riley. The SEC is deeper than other conferences, but parity has taken hold there, too. The SEC just has more teams caught in their parity net. If it was up to Finebaum the SEC would get 8 bids to the playoffs. Next year he will probably suggest the playoffs expand to 24 so he can get those 8 teams in the playoffs. Not as easy to dominate now that everyone can pay players, is it Paulie boy? Gobble, gobble you SEC wonk.

🦃 NCAA 🦃

I hope you are happy. Look at this mess. I’m talking to you, too, university presidents, AD’s, league commissioners, networks, and coaches. While the adults in the room were playing money grab, nobody was minding the store. Thanks a lot. Gobble, gobble you greedy goobers.

🦃 Desmond Howard 🦃

This guy has never offered any cognizant football analysis in his entire tenure at ESPN. He is the worst prognosticator on the panel and makes Lee Corso seem coherent. Howard even left Nick Saban shaking his head right on the air last week. How is he still employed? Gobble, gobble Dumb Dumb Des.

🦃 Big Ten referees 🦃

After watching Pac-12 football all those years, I just assumed they had cornered the market on inept referees. Wrong. Big Ten officials have been absolutely horrific. Holding is basically nonexistent. Pass interference is basically nonexistent. But random things that aren’t actual penalties are called. These guys are affecting the outcome of games. It has been embarrassing this year. Gobble, gobble you three blind mice.

🦃 All other referees 🦃

You didn’t think I was going to let the SEC, ACC, Big 12, and NFL guys get away with their clear disdain for doing their jobs competently did you? Nah. Officiating in general has been beyond awful this year, and it wasn’t great in past years anyway. Gobble, gobble all you blind mice.

🦃 Aaron Rodgers 🦃

Ha, this guy. From spewing nonsense on Pat McAfee’s playhouse to his performance on the field Rodgers has finally bit off more than he can chew. Remember how he was going to be the Jets savior? So far he spent one season on IR in New York and another season getting his offensive coordinator demoted and his head coach and GM fired. Yep, he’s the savior all right. Time to head back into the dark for this guy. Gobble, gobble Messiah wannabe.

🦃 Pat Narduzzi 🦃

What would this list be without the ultimate college football turkey? Narduzzi looked to be shedding this title when Pitt was 7-0. Alas, Pitt is now 7-4 and players were seen scrapping on the sideline this past weekend. The only thing left for this season is who Narduzzi rolls under the bus for this late season collapse. Gobble, gobble, Nardouchi.

🦃 Penn State Football Fans 🦃

My God, the hand wringing. Fans have been asking for James Franklin’s scalp for years, not satisfied with 10 win seasons. This year Franklin’s team would have lost the USC and Minnesota games if not for Franklin. Franklin was ultra aggressive, while Lincoln Riley and PJ Fleck both played not to lose. While still having an Ohio State problem, that aggressiveness should be a welcome change. The other thing with these people is the defensiveness. Look, PSU has played a soft schedule and they haven’t been dominant a lot of weeks. When this is pointed out the fans send up defensive ballistic missles to pound back at the people merely stating a fact. I still think Penn State could win it all, but I also think they could lose their first playoff game. I will duck for cover, but meanwhile gobble, gobble you blue and white Nits.

🦃 LIV Golf and Jay Monahan 🦃

LIV golf is still silly, regardless of what new media darling Bryson DeChambeau says. Some really good players, but still a silly circus-like format. At some point someone there will admit they did it for the money. Oh don’t worry, I am not suggesting the PGA Tour is well run. Jay Monahan seems like the guy who always tries to understand the novel by reading the Cliff Notes. He is the guy who you can give all the answers on the test and he still fails. I hate that golf got in bed with the Saudis, but a deal between the two entities would be best for the product. We are still waiting. Gobble, gobble you mulligan seekers.

🦃 ESPN 🦃

When Scott Van Pelt isn’t on ESPN, the network is borderline unwatchable. Mike Greenberg lost me when he stabbed Mike Golic in the back years ago. Plus, he is no longer interesting. The rest of the day is spent with people screaming into the camera. The network cut ties with some of its best on air personalities, yet kept some of these screaming weenies. And for the love of God don’t make me listen to Doris Burke anymore. Gobble, gobble worldwide wasteland.

There you have it. The 2024 Two Cent Turkeys. They are a motley bunch who have brought much stupidity to the world of sports this year. We can hope for better from these turkeys in the coming year, but sometimes it is once a turkey, always a turkey.

Gobble, gobble fanatics.

Two Cent Takes

Two Cent Takes are fasting this week in preparation for the Thursday gorge. Check out my two podcasts:

  • Wall2WallFootball for takes on college and pro football, including the Steelers 
  • Musings of a Sports Fanatic for my takes on all other sports and more.

The Weekly Shiny Penny

Thanksgiving football misses John Madden. And this man loved Thanksgiving.

 


A Penny For My Final Thought…

There certainly is much fuss about the college football playoffs. Who played who. How bad did this team beat that team. This conference is better than that conference. Is Boise State really getting in AND getting a bye?

No worries. I’ve got this thing figured out.

I am certainly not suggesting this will be how the committee does things —committees should never be trusted— but it is how they should do things.

First, some general thoughts.

  • Two things are true about the SEC. They are the deepest conference, by far, in the country. However, they do not have a dominant team(or two) like they have most years. Even with only playing eight conference games —that must change— the expanded conferences is making schedules for some much more difficult. In turn, the SEC is cannabalizing itself. Because of the balance, the SEC has all but two teams that can beat everyone else on a given Saturday. And one of the other two teams beat Mississippi on the road. It is a crazy year down south.
  • The top two teams in the Big Ten are probably the best two teams in the country. Even so, both are flawed and beatable.
  • Penn State is either a really good team or a really fortunate team. The Nittany Lions look great at times, but is that because of the weak schedule? I am as baffled by this team as any other team in the country.
  • Indiana will get into the playoffs, but I am skeptical about how good they really are. If you think Penn State’s schedule is easy take a look at Cupcake City in Hoosierland. What Curt Cignetti has done at a program like Indiana is insane. I will be curious to see if he can come close to duplicating it next year with a tougher schedule.
  • Boise State is not a playoff team. Watch them sometime. It isn’t close. I haven’t seen enough of Tulane to suggest they should jump Boise and take the Group of Five spot. My gut says yes. Certainly, they have to change the bye rules. Neither of these teams should get a bid or a bye.
  • Speaking of weak schedules, SMU and Miami are right at the top of that list. It is hard for me to believe that both of these teams will get in. Clemson has played a much better schedule than either of those teams, but will need a win against South Carolina and some luck to get a bid.
  • South Carolina is the hottest team in the country. Unfortunately, the Gamecocks have three losses.
  • The Big 12 is a one bid league, and I am not sure they deserve that many.

Okay, so here is how this should go down(as of now).

The top seed should go to the Big Ten champ. The second seed should go to the SEC champ. The third seed will most likely go to the ACC champ. The fourth seed, I think, will go to the Big Twelve champ. Those will be the automatic byes and top four seeds.

I think Tulane will ultimately jump Boise State and take the Group of Five slot. The Green Wave will be seeded 12.

In my eyes, the correct way to seed 5 and 6 is to give those spots to the losers of the Big Ten and SEC championship games. Aside from the almighty dollar, there is no real reason to play these championship games. In my scenario, the Big Ten runner up would get the 5 seed and the SEC runner up would get the 6 seed. Yes, even if it is Georgia with 3 losses. If those are the two best conferences, and they are, then they must be rewarded for making the conference championship game.

Now it gets interesting. I hope USC beats Notre Dame, but they aren’t going to accomplish that. Consequently Notre Dame gets the 7 seed. I would argue the Irish are the best team in the country right now. Their schedule has not been super challenging and they refuse to join a conference, which hurts them in my eyes.

The 8 seed, and final first round home game, goes to one loss Penn State. Again, I don’t think anybody is quite sure about the Nittany Lions but they can’t drop any further than 8.

Tennessee benefitted the most from last week’s chaos and moves to the 9 seed. That gets them a mid December trip to Happy Valley. Dress warm, Rocky Top.

With only one loss, despite the cushy schedule, Indiana slots in at the 10 seed. That will make for some fireworks in the state, as the Hoosiers would travel to South Bend to face Notre Dame. What fun that would be.

The only spot left is the 11 seed, and I am really torn here. If Miami loses to SMU in the ACC championship then this becomes an easy choice. Miami would get the nod. If the roles are reversed, I don’t think SMU makes it. Syracuse could throw a wrench in all of that with a home upset of Miami on Saturday. If Clemson beats South Carolina they would be in play. If South Carolina wins that game, the Gamecocks are in play. Plus, Alabama is lurking. Ultimately, I think Miami beats SMU and South Carolina beats Clemson. I know Alabama and Mississippi beat South Carolina head to head, but the Gamecocks are rolling. The 11 seed goes to South Carolina.

The committee will never take South Carolina over Alabama, but they should.

There are a lot of tweaks that need to be made for next season, and expansion surely is not one. For now, as the kids say, it is what it is. An Indiana/Notre Dame first rounder would be cool. Tennessee traveling north which they never do would be interesting. A Georgia/South Carolina(or rematch with Alabama) would be a nice matchup.

More chaos this weekend could make my thoughts obsolete by next week at this time. Until then, I stand by my predictions. Of course, if you want something screwed up put a committee of suits in charge.

Just my two cents…