I’m not sure what has me more upset, having the Super Bowl in the middle of February or this being the last season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Both things have me a bit apoplectic.

However, it got me thinking. What a fun way to preview the Super Bowl. A little Larry David mixed with a little Patrick Mahomes. A little Leon Black blended with a little Brock Purdy. Jeff and Susie Greene mingling with Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift.

But how to go about this endeavor?

Larry David is always ready with a quip, a phrase, or a one liner. So let’s try this so I can momentarily curb my irritation about these two things.

  • Foisted, which is when Larry passed off his lousy secretary on Susie Greene.

How about an oppo-foist? Carolina foisted Christian McCaffrey on the 49ers to get some draft capital. It is an oppo-foist because McCaffrey is anything but lousy. Christian McCaffrey should be the MVP of the league this year. He is the man who makes the Niners offense go. The Chiefs weakness is defending the rush. Unlike Baltimore, I suspect Kyle Shanahan will try to establish the run. McCaffrey has speed, but also runs angrier than anyone in the league. Add on his ability to catch the ball out of the backfield, and McCaffrey could be in for a huge game.

  • “Can I tell you something about apricots? ... 1 in 30 is a good one. It's such a low percentage fruit.”

Much like apricots, there are a lot of low percentage plays in an NFL game. Nobody in the league today can turn a low percentage play into a winner like Patrick Mahomes. The guy on the other end of the low percentage play is usually Travis Kelce. If these two make their usual number of miracles happen, then the Chiefs will be hard to stop. The Niners have struggled on defense of late, so there may be more apples than apricots for The Chiefs. Either way, expect Mahomes to have a few miracles up his sleeve.

  • I’m trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.

In most Super Bowls a lesser known players makes a big impact at some point. Both teams in this year’s game have players who could play this role. For the Chiefs, Justin Watson and Richie James get on the field a lot. Travis Kelce and Rashee Rice will get most of the attention, so Watson and James will have opportunities. Another Chief that could have opportunities is Clyde Edwards-Helier. He relieves Isaiah Pacheco a fair amount, and it would only take one long run to make a huge impact.

On the other sideline, Kyle Juszczyk and Juaun Jennings seem like the prime candidates to go from small talk to medium talk. Juszczyk has made some big plays, especially as a pass catcher, in his career. Jennings has been getting more snaps of late. With Deebo Samuel a full go, Jennings will most likely have slightly less opportunities. Sometimes a special teams player makes that big play, so keep an eye on Ray-Ray McCloud with a punt return making a difference.

  • "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and ***holes.”

  • “I didn’t tap it, hit it, or, tear it up.”

Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce no doubt wear sunglasses inside. See, they have become rather insufferable. You know what else they are? Really good football players. All the other stuff I already mentioned aside, stars have to be stars in a Super Bowl. Mahomes and Kelce have carried the Chiefs offense in these playoffs, and I have no reason to doubt they will do it one more time. And then they will become even more insufferable. 

Christian McCaffrey may very well be an inside sunglasses wearer as well, and he is definitely a star player. The problem for McCaffrey is Brock Purdy is not a star player, so he will have to be truly remarkable. Despite all the Purdy love from the TV wonks, he certainly hasn’t been tearing anything up. Purdy has gotten very fortunate on a lot of questionable throws. Mahomes over Purdy seems to be the biggest difference in Super Bowl LVIII to my non-sunglasses wearing eyes.

  • “I’m not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges.”

Someone will undoubtedly wilt in the spotlight of the Super Bowl. It might be a fumble or dropped pass. It could be a special teams gaffe. Maybe it will be an untimely stupid penalty. Of course, it could be an interception or just a bad game from a quarterback. As I stated above, my money is on Brock Purdy wilting. I am not saying it is a definite, but that is where my money will be.

  • “Congratulations on a great attempt at a chat and cut.”

The fans enjoyment of the game could come down to how many times referee Bill Vinovich does the old chat and cut. If the refs are calling penalties by the bucket load, the game will lose flow and become a drag. The officials need to be told to only call the obvious penalties. Let both teams play. We aren’t tuning in to see them. This certainly hasn’t always been the case in these playoffs.

  •  “Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn’t involve a woman.”

This line will come to you if you are married and watching the Super Bowl with your wife. The halftime performer is Usher, who will undoubtedly have little covering his torso. I’m not married, but I would assume it will be tough to watch the drool come out of your wife’s mouth while she watches Usher’s abs flexing about on the Super Bowl stage. Be smart and go get something to eat at halftime. Just be very, very slow about it.

  • “What is this compulsion to have people over at your house and serve them food and talk to them?”

I have been an adult for the last 40 years and a sports fanatic for even longer. I have never understood the fascination people have with Super Bowl parties. If you truly want to watch the game closely, then why surround yourself with a bunch of annoying people. In some cases, annoying people you barely know. These people will talk during the entire game, making it hard to hear what is being said on the telecast. Some will get drunk and be even more annoying. If you are a casual fan, fine, go try out some new dips and wines. Otherwise, why torture yourself.

  • “There's a jet stream of bulls*** coming out of your mouth, my friend.”

The one downside to this year’s Super Bowl will be the fact that we are forced to listen to Tony Romo blabber incessantly and incoherently. I am proud to be one of the first to note Romo was annoying and not good at his job. Most were fooled at first but now are on board with the “shut up Tony” mantra. Romo had that one stretch where he was hot at picking play calls, and he has never been the same since. Romo loved hearing how smart he was but didn’t realize how annoying he had become. Now, after a hand slap from his bosses last year I feel like he is just trying to hang on to his top analyst spot with the great Jim Nantz. I think Nantz likes Romo, but I think he also realizes his annoying tendencies. Mute may be your friend next Sunday.

  • “I didn’t mean to waste 12 seconds of your precious time.”

Clearly the elephant in the room at the Super Bowl is Taylor Swift. What is the over/under on how often she is shown on TV? How bad will Colin Cowherd rail on the Taylor haters? She was destined to make it to the Super Bowl. We all knew it, and it will be okay. Everyone will survive. I found it annoying when they showed Taylor early in the season, but maybe I am becoming a closet Swifty because I don’t mind it anymore. She is on camera for short periods of time, and if you are one of those Super Bowl party people turn it into a drinking game. And if you still get annoyed by it, that’s okay too. Listen to my Musings podcast from last week to hear how I feel about Cowherd’s idiotic Taylor rant. She seems like a swell gal, and if she can help keep the MAGA’s pissed off AND put up with a guy who talks like he is always doing a pro wrestling spot then why not embrace it. It is only 12 seconds of your precious time.

  • “Pretty, pretty, pretty good”

Aside from Chiefs and Niners fans, who would probably love a blowout by their team, all we can ask for is a pretty, pretty, pretty good game. Right, Larry?

 

 

Two Cent Takes

NFL

~Kliff Kingsbury spurned the Raiders and took the Washington Commanders offensive coordinator job. This means Chip Kelly is staying at UCLA. I am pretty sure the only fanbase that is happy after all that is the Raiders.

~There is some legitimate speculation that Washington hiring Kingsbury could mean a trade up in the draft to get Caleb Williams. Williams’ seems to hint at liking the thought of a reunion with his mentor at USC from last season. Let the draft drama begin.

~Le’Veon Bell wants to play again. In Pittsburgh. It is hard to take tweets and decipher intent, but it seems as though Bell may have grown up some. Pittsburgh seems set with its one-two punch of Najee Harris and Jaylen Warren, so I really don’t see a fit. But never say never.

NHL

~These idiots decided to take a shot at Sidney Crosby. Look, I get the Philly hate of Crosby. It’s a rivalry. I don’t get the hate from others in the hockey community for a guy that is one of the sports greats, is philanthropic, and without the publicity does great community work, especially with kids. These guys should never talk hockey again.

 

They should be thrilled he showed up for that idiotic all star fiasco at all.

NBA

~Joel Embiid will have a surgical procedure to mend his bad knee. He will be out an undetermined amount of time. This will test the Sixers and the theory that seeds don’t matter in the playoffs.

~Officiating in the NBA continues to be a joke. JB Bickerstaff let one official know his feelings.

 

 

Golf

~Wyndham Clark won the AT&T at Pebble Beach because he squeezed in a smooth 60 Saturday before horrific weather moved in and canceled the final round. Clark, the defending U.S. Open champ, is the latest young player to take it to the next level. There will always be those next guys, so there should be no wringing of the hands over the LIV departures.

~The LIV Tour spent the weekend in shorts with music blaring, crying about Joaquin Neiman not being eligible for the majors. He chose the money and knew the consequences. Tough luck, Joaquin.

College Basketball

~Stop the presses. Louisville scored 101 points in beating Florida State.

~USC did, indeed, win another game. Andy Enfield has pulled no punches in calling out his players. Never a great sign for a coach who is struggling.

~Penn State not only won a single road game, but back to back road games. No offense to Kanye Clary, but the team plays better without him. Everyone else seems to play with more confidence when they all touch the ball.

~Press Purdue. The Boilermakers aren’t good against a press.

The Weekly Shiny Penny

Every once in a blue moon I place something here that isn’t sports related. This will be the blue moon, however I think there are similarities to sports in this one.

Much like sports, music brings all types of people together to create great things. Music doesn’t care if you are black, white, or anything else. It doesn’t care if you are male or female, straight or gay, a rapper, a headbanger, or a good ol’ country artist. It could care less what your religion or political party is. Good music is good music in the same respect that good athletes are good athletes. That’s it. Period.

Sunday night at the Grammy’s an African American lesbian who wrote one of the great lyrical songs of the 80’s paired up with the good ol’ country boy who loved her song so much he covered it and turned it into a number one hit 35 years later. And he respected her and the song enough to not change one word of it. If you saw the Tracy Chapman/Luke Combs performance click play anyway and listen again. And again. And again. It was the best performance of the night just ahead of 80 year old Joni Mitchell and 74 year old Billy Joel fairly bringing down the house. But this was something special. 

 

 

A Penny For My Final Thought…

If you are a college hoops junkie, like me, this past week was phenomenal.

Last Monday night we got a Houston overtime win at Texas in overtime, which was a step in proving to me Houston can win big games on the road.

Tuesday night was even better. First, Georgia Tech upset North Carolina by a point at home, meaning the Yellowjackets have beaten both Duke and UNC at home. In addition South Carolina announced to those who haven’t been paying attention that they were for real with a nip and tuck win at Tennessee. It isn’t easy to win with Rocky Top playing every two minutes. Marquette/Villanova and Texas Tech/TCU were also both close right to the end.

On Wednesday night we got to see an epic overtime thriller with Purdue beating Northwestern. Plus we got to see this fantastic ejection.

 


Collins deserved that ejection as his team faced a free throw deficit of 38. That’s unreal and unacceptable. I mean, this was called a foul…on Northwestern.

 

 

Also on Wednesday night Florida went into Kentucky and beat a slightly depleted Wildcats team in overtime. A much needed Quad 1 win for the Gators.

Thursday night was a little slow, but then Nebraska livened things up with a masterful performance in an overtime win over top ten Wisconsin. It was the second court storming the Badgers had to endure in the past two weeks. If you are keeping track, that is three nights with overtime games and one with a buzzer beater. And the week wasn’t over yet.

Friday is a traditionally slow night in college basketball, but we still were treated to a couple fantastic games. Iowa held off Ohio State by two in a sort of elimination game. Topping that game was Butler with a one point thriller on the road against number 13 Creighton.

Saturday hoops fans were treated to Duke/UNC, Tennessee/Kentucky, and Houston/Kansas, all top ten matchups. In addition, Memphis win at the buzzer to break a three game losing streak, Virginia winning by a point at Clemson, Northwestern losing their second straight overtime game at Minnesota, UCF upsetting Oklahoma, Texas A&M beating Florida by a single point, Cincinnati upsetting Texas Tech on the road in a nail biter, and Baylor holding off Iowa State by two. Not a bad day of basketball.

Sunday ended the week, or started this week depending on your perspective, with Purdue staving off Wisconsin on the road in a game that was always close. Sunday night we got one last overtime game for the week, with Nebraska on the losing end this time at Illinois.

And, what the hell. Last night Kansas State knocked off fourth ranked Kansas in overtime. Maybe every week will be like this.

The last eight days was just a snapshot of how great this season has been. And that is coming from a fan of a team —Louisville— that is atrocious. Every night brings great games. I don’t envy the tournament committee this season. Trying to decipher between all these teams that seem similar will be a real chore. Parity is real in college hoops, and it sure is making things exciting and unpredictable.

The groundhog saw his shadow, predicting there would be an early spring.

College basketball fans still have to wait six weeks for the Madness. But, man, the wait sure is going to be exciting.

Just my two cents…